Woof
by stylishkiller
Summary: Heero and Duo get a puppy. Humor.
1. Enter Hex

Hi everyone.  
This is my first attempt at fan fiction! Scary, no?  
Anyway, I don't own GW or anything associated with it, so please don't waste your time upon contemplating to prosecute me…   
Please read & review - I'd appreciate it.  
Oh and by the by - this is my first attempt at humor. So if it's not funny I'd like to know.  
Setting: sometime after Endless Waltz. However Treize is alive in this version.  
Warning: I don't like Relena… And lots of the jokes in this fic are at her expense. I also imply some things about Heero and Duo as well as about Quatre and Trowa.  
* * * *  
A tiny, pink, moist tongue snaked out and licked Heero's hand and then his check. Hesitantly a smile appeared on the boy's face - lighting it like nothing (except self-destruction, hate and revenge) could.  
Duo beamed upon seeing this reaction in Heero, took a few digital pics of the "picture perfect" moment on the hidden camera and turning told the breeder…  
"We'll take that one!"  
* * * *  
The two pilots returned to the mansion hours later, laden down with strange groceries, colorful blankets, and some weird basket-like thing along with one furry little ball that had fallen asleep while sucking Duo's braid.  
"How do you think the others will react?" Duo asked of his companion.  
… silence… silence… silence… then finally a shrug…  
"I don't really care. Its our house as well, and if we don't hurry up and personalize it now it will become Wufei's library, Trowa's circus, Relena's pacifistic headquarters not to mention Quatre's power-trip-central and Zechs & Treizes only god-knows-what."  
Duo stared at the other boy in shock - it was the longest contribution to the conversation Heero had * ever * made in Duos presence.  
* * * *  
A week later everything seemed to be settled -   
Quatre and Trowa came regularly to play with the puppy (usually holding hands and smiling secretively at each other).  
Wufei stalked around the mansion sneezing and periodically muttering "Injustice!" (which left all the other inhabitants wondering whether he meant that it was unfair that he was allergic to dogs or that he now couldn't convert Heero and Duos wing of the mansion into a martial arts training facility).  
Zechs quickly learned that cute, little puppies at times leave nasty little presents on the top of the stairs… (he was still in hospital - under the watchful eyes of Noin, Treize and Une [who, in the meanwhile, had been made head of the hospital by the terrified medics]).  
Dorothy just plain old avoided being anywhere near "it", whereas Sally, Catherina and Murramea took turns spoiling the little fur-ball… And last (and least) Relena came back from another peace conference on some colony and was on her way to see Heero.  
* * * *  
Liralee (a.k.a. this fanfics author): "O.K. I officially pronounce myself to have writes block…"  
Middle'man': "Why?"  
Liralee: "Coz - I can't think of a name for the puppy…"  
Aurenne: " What kind of a name do you want?"  
Liralee: "something in the GW style… numberlike…"  
Aurenne: "How about Hex?"  
Liralee: * thinks for 2 seconds *… * scribbles furiously * "Thanks Aury!"   
* * * *  
He let her in. She didn't give him a choice. While he was making coffee (or at least that was his excuse), Relena rummaged around the fridge. Locating a delicate looking food-like consistency, she set out plates and cutlery on the breakfast bar.  
"Wow, this is delicious! Who made it?" Relena asked curiously not noticing that Heero was not eating…  
"Duo," was the spandex clad boys simple answer, as the spoken of braided devil walked through the door with Hex in tow…  
" I see, Relena, that you're enjoying the dog food," Duo's voice carried a note of mischief.  
* * * *  
Relena was up a tree… Literally.  
Hex was guarding his prisoner with the playful enthusiasm and dedication of… well… a puppy. Barking once in a while and showing off his long sharp teeth, just to make sure that Relena did not forget that was awaiting her if she was planning to try to get down.  
Several of the gundam pilots walked by, ignoring her cries for help. Quatre stood under the tree and was absent-mindedly petting Hex while admiring the perfectly trimmed roses.  
Wufei stopped next to him.   
"What an ugly bird," he commented after looking up into the foliage, as he took off on his bike.  
* * * *  
Heero was back from yet another "successful" mission. He was exhausted. He was soaked… in blood… But that was fine as not a drop of it was his own. He was actually experiencing vivid day-dreams of warm showers and clean clothes.  
He opened the door of the walk-in-wardrobe… looked inside - expecting to see his clothes (folded and ordered like a perfectly organized military campaign) lying next to Duo's outfits (semi-crumpled and everywhere). … Yet all he saw was chaos… and Hex - tail wagging, mouth full of spandex.  
* * * *  
After cleaning up the mess in the closet, Heero sat on the large bed surveying all that was left of all of his favourite spandex shorts just as duo moseyed into the bedroom.  
"Ohhhh…. - holes in * interesting places *," was the braided baka's opinion.  
* * * *  
* * * *  
* * * *  
O.K. I would like to hear some reviews before I start to bother to type up the 2nd part…   
I'd like to thank Aurenne for the name Hex and Middleman for the 'holes in interesting places' comment. 


	2. Mischief

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own GW so please - don't bother suing.  
Oh yeah - Hex is copyright me. Kinda... His real name is Pandora and its a she...  
Pairings: 1+2 and 3+4  
O.K. This is the second and final part. Please read & review (a.k.a. advise me on what I should do next). Enjoy.   
  
  
There was a dog attached to Duo's last pair of his favourite steel-capped-toe-boots.  
" Damn, had we gotten two puppies that day, you and I could've had a matched pair," he said to Heero.  
" That and you would also have even less shoes left than you have now and even more trouble walking," Heero's mind was tooooooo lateral at times.  
Duo slung his hand over Heero's shoulders, encasing his in an effective teddy bear hug.  
" But had the puppy not gotten into the closet, we wouldn't have gotten to spend all this time shopping, silly." A look of planned conspiracy was exchanged between Hex and the Shinigami.  
Releena passed the three of them in the corridor (after she had made triply sure that Hex was securely attached to the leash). Stopping next to Heero, she leaned in -  
"What do you think of this perfume, Heeeero?" she crooned.  
Hex sneezed.  
Heero exchanged glances with the fluffy black mutt and pronounced :  
"Exactly!"  
* * * *  
"Heero, I've just realized something..." Duo's voice sounded a bit guilty.  
" Yes?" Heero said, with his usual flare for conveying the phrase "I don't care" without actually saying it.  
" We need to start thinking about Hex's future. What do you think he'll want to be when he grows up?"  
" I think I already know... Hex is going to be an electrician."  
The mansion at this very while was being completely rewired, following Hex *rearranging* a few things and causing a few "minor" "accidents" [which only had only happened to the people he didn't like] and resulted in all the circuitry being fried.  
Duo and Heero felt obliged to pay for the repairs... and Duo secretly though that it was all worth it - after all Dorothy's hair was standing up a-la troll style, after the "tiny" shock she had received a week ago ( and Duo had photos!, lots and lots of photos! ).  
* * * *  
Another mission was going kinda wrong... Hex had somehow gotten onto the ship carrying the gundams and was about to be squished by Deathscythe.  
: Heero, let the damn puppy into your operating center! : Trowa sounded very annoyed over the intercom system.  
: Why me?! : an exasperated voice answered on the other end of the line.   
: Coz - 1) its your dog and 2) you're the closest! : Quatre the peacekeeper was loosing his touch.  
-------- A little while later -  
The mission was accomplished. Hero had been out of commission for its duration puppy sitting (a.k.a. chancing the puppy around the mansion with a loaded gun in his hand).  
Heero's gundam had sustained some *minor* damage... It was a *lot* worse for the wear - as things progressed it turned out that finicky, precision electronic part of the gundam did not work well around "liquids" (at least not while [and after] the "liquids" were poured right onto them). For some puzzling reason they also didn't take well to being pounced and chewed on by heavy, curious and adorable balls of fluff.  
Basically Heero's gundam was a wreck.  
-------- Another little while later -  
During the night parts of Duo's gundam had gone missing... and Heero's had been "miraculously" fixed....  
Duo just couldn't work out *when* Heero had managed to do it - he had been blind drunk on night and right next to Duo for the entire duration of the previous 24 hours.  
* * * *  
Wufei walked into the library... his library. The floor was littred with paper - pages of Dostoyevskiy, Dumas, Confusious... Bits and pieces of ancient Japanese and Chinese scrolls - from the old Earth...  
It had taken Wufei 10 years to get this collection together - most of his life... And now all of his efforts had been destroyed by... A fluffy, tail - wagging mut.  
Wufei screamed "Injustice!" and fainted... Hex was licking his shoe and looking as innocent as a lamb - its not his fault that 'Fei had allergies...  
* * * *  
The pilots were all crowding around a funny looking, metallic, roundish object. Their garden now resembled a World War One activity scene - complete with trenches and now... -  
"It's a bomb," said Wufei wonderingly.  
"It goes poof..." someone replied helpfully while making empathic hand gestures...  
Landscaping a-la Hex.  
* * * *  
Liralee: "What should happen next?"  
Athlone: "How about the GW boys doing something akin to 'Whose line is it anyway'?"  
Liralee: ....  
Lina / Cometstar: *Please* tell me that Hex made Releena's entire room deadly during his rearranging? :)   
Liralee: ....  
Liralee: Anyway - heres the "glorious" end -   
*Gives up the stage to Duo, Heero and Hex.*  
* * * *  
"Now that I've proven myself able to keep things well... alive, I think I am ready for the next step!" cried the exuberant god of death.   
Heero and Hex both blinked upon hearing this...  
" Next a baby, and then the world!" evil laughter followed the Shinigami out.   
Heero: "Where are we gonna get a baby?"  
Duo: "Sore wa hamitsu desu! :)"  
* * * *  
* * * *  
* * * * 


End file.
